That’s when you’ll know, from the deepest and purest part of you, that you just can’t live like this any more. It will come when you’re exhausted, heartbroken, and when you feel the pain of their self-destruction pressing relentlessly and permanently against you. The relationships and the world around you will start to break, and you’ll cut yourself on the jagged pieces.
If you love an addict, it will be a long and excruciating road before you realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do. Not because they won’t, but because they can’t. If you can’t say no to the manipulations of their addiction in your unaddicted state, know that they won’t say no from their addicted one. If you’re waiting for the addict to stop the insanity – the guilt trips, the lying, the manipulation – it’s not going to happen. You might stop liking them, but you don’t stop loving them. You dread seeing them and you need to see them, all at once. Your love and your need to bring them safely through their addiction might see you giving money you can’t afford, saying yes when that yes will destroy you, lying to protect them, and having your body turn cold with fear from the midnight ring of the phone. When addicts know they are loved by someone who is invested in them, they immediately have fuel for their addiction. The fallout from an addiction, for addicts and the people who love them, is devastating – the manipulations, the guilt, the destruction of relationships and the breakage of people.
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